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Sleeping underneath the same big sky๐Ÿค—

I have always told my children that no matter how old they are no matter where they are if the get homesick or start missing me or life is just tough to just remember there is no place on this earth I couldn’t find them ,that I couldn’t get to them. And to always remember if they just look up at the moon they would know we were sleeping underneath the same big sky and know I’m with them even if I’m not there physically. This is something that has helped them through some tough times. Last night I got one of the best calls ever my beautiful dark haired angel was over she been going through a rough patch I telling her this too shall pass was when all of a Sudden her phone rang it was her brother by her biological mom and I say it this way cause I’m mom so that’s another story in self but anyways my heart was flooded when I got to see my handsome dark haired dark eyed boy He has always been mine too in my heart because I kept him alot to when he was a baby I remember the first time I met him and he looked up at me it was like it was with Jordy it love at first site we formed a mother son bond that can never be broken he eventually moved out of state with his dad who got custody but he never stopped being mine. I’ve asked my beautiful daughter about him every time I see her I’ve stayed up all night before worried about him when my daughter told me he was being treated bad by his ne stepmom and was talking about running away I have worried endless nights about him when Jordy hadn’t heard from him, so to video chat and see him and just how perfect and handsome hes turned out was the best feeling ever to hear him say I had always been his mom to him made my heart overflow with love and to meet his beautiful lady my soon to be daughter in law Paige was the icing on the cake she is beautiful and amazing and loves him with everything in her. Neither of us was ready to hang up when my daughter had to leave but we have a way to contact each other now because Addison and Paige have my number and I’ve got his. I may not have given birth to him but I love just like I did. Giving birth to a child doesn’t make you a mother a mother is someone that kisses the booboos, loves you more than life itself ,cries when you cry ,stays up all night worrying when her child is out of site ,loves that child through the storms in life and would give her last breath if that’s what it takes so her child could live. I love you Addison more than you will know to see the tears last night because our talk meant so much to know you ,I will always be here for you my sweet son,i will weather the storms with you ,help you move the mountains in front of you and help you carry the burdens of life. And Paige is an amazing find ,a rare jewel that precious and needs to be treated as such. I love you both and cannot wait to experience the life moments to come with you both. I am so honored that God blesses me with you and I will love you always and forever till i draw my last breath.

Love after Loss

It has been 18 years since Toby passed but still seems like yesterday. I never thought I would love anyone again definitely not like that. Then out of the blue when I wasn’t even looking my now fiance walked into my life I was to scared to let him in,what if I fell for him then something happened to him too,what if he didn’t except my kids,what if he wasn’t understanding of the fact that I was shattered, broken, only half a person with the other half in the ground. I was so cautious and closed off but he kept trying so I finally agreed to give him a chance. He was nothing like I expected he was different in fact when he came to get me for our first date he saw the 2 little boys at that time sitting on the steps and asked them to go they were so excited he wanted them to go they have been on every date since. We have never had a date without them at first I was Leary that he was just using my boys to get to me but the more I saw him with them the more I realized he adored them he had no kids of his own and for him to take on children that weren’t his and love them want them around amazed me. But still I’m only half a person how was gonna love him that would be cheating wouldn’t it?right?!! But the more he came around the more I wanted him around and I slowly started to heal. I slowly started to open my heart what was left of it again, I slowly started to see him in a whole new light ,I slowly started to love,I slowly started to trust in him and was falling for him. I still mourn the love that was lost it was traumatic and left wounds that will never heal but he makes it seem better. The kids all consider him their dad and he is he does everything a dad does for them we know have a little one together. When hes asked how many kids he has he counts them all not just ours together he has their named tattooed on his body plus our grandson’s name he’s a dad ,a popaw,and a friend to them. They know he will go above and beyond for them he has his moments and his flaws so do I but I wouldn’t change it. Our little one has such a light to him that even strangers flock to him. He’s so sweet ,kind, and extremely smart. He’s built like daddy but acts like me. I will never be whole but I’m almost there I’m so grateful for everything Chris Reeves (yes I know that’s Superman’s name )๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚but that really is his name..๐Ÿ˜Šhas brought to my life and the kids life he has helped with raising these kids and they love him dearly. Kross our little one is something else and says he’s gonna grow up to look Zaine and be a police officer like Hunter. He amazes me everyday with how smart and loving he is he’s only 5 but has an old soul it seems it also seems he has inherited my part of my gift just like my other kids. He is the sweetest I wouldn’t trade him for anything. So there is hope there can be life after loss. My story didn’t end like I thought it did with the passing of my love. It just opened a new chapter,a new chance,a different kind of ending to this chapter of my life.

Halloween and Ghostly Visions

Halloween Aka (day of the dead)is my favorite holiday. I love everything about it from haunted houses to kids costumes to ghost stories. When my love passed I had a vision the night before of blue lights engulfing my house and something beating on the walls and door. I just knew it was death knocking if i opened the door I was going to lose someone close to me. I was born with the “gift/curse” of forsite I’ve always seen ghosts and has visions even before I could talk I would point at the door and someone would be there or point at phone and it would ring. I would also talk to spirits around me. I was even tested several times by different institutions and blew there machines up I have papers documenting Clairvoyance and my abilities kinda like a pure bread dog. I helped in search for lost boy in the smokie mountains I described what he was wearing what he was seeing and what he would say when they found him I was only 6 and they were fixing to give up until my mom reached out to sherriff he luckily believed her because his mother and grandmother had the gift. I had saved many friends and family over the years but couldn’t save my love he believed in my site but that morning it was like the devil had the blinders on him. I fell back to sleep after he left for work which I never did and don’t remember doing then I heard the sound of our screen door slamming and saw him at the end of our bed he said I’m so sorry I should have listened to you I love u always I simply said I know. For 3 days and nights after we were forced to move my mom and brother heard noises coming from our apartment they said it was like someone was destroying the placertainly slamming things around my mom said that has to be Toby lopoking for Krystal and his kids. It started the 3rd night and my brother went outside told him we were made to move and where we were aand it stopped it never happened again after that. I blamed myself for along time I still do even now that I woke him that morning I should’ve just let him sleep but I didn’t I can never take that back. Our love was so strong that it even superceded death and the sands of time. My cross I will carry forever it’s heavy and I have no peace but I will carry on till I reach calvary hill to set it down. I’ve been called everything from a which to a devil’s angel from the time I was little by church goers but yet the whole bible was written by prophets. They approach me when they want to know what I see for them but not any other time. I will continue to credit to God for my visions and bear the burden when people don’t listen and something bad happens but I do believe sometimes it’s not to save them it’s a message they get from it it’s not meant for me to know only them and God. My children are blessed with different gifts some see spirit others have premanitions or visions atleast I know how to help them and guid them I believe in them the way my mother has always believed in me. Light will always conquer darkness even in the deadest of night.

Bragging a bit๐Ÿ˜Š

I am so proud of middle son Zaine he’s 16 he’s worked since he was 12 running his own lawn mowing and landscaping service. He also just got a job at McDonald’s all while managing to get a 94 average for this semester as a Junior he’s homeschooled just like my other boys his courses are online with a professor and is making great strides he’s on the college path with college prep courses. Zaine never has has it easy he was born with a heart condition ,ADHD and has dyslexia but so he’s struggled plenty which makes me even more proud that he didn’t use any of these things as a crutch or excuse he didn’t let anything stand in the way of his dreams. I always say hes my mini me he just loves to make people laugh,has the biggest heart ever and truly cares about others. He has faced bullying by other kids and adults alike but never let that corrupt or change him he just kills them with kindness. He’s so outgoing outrageous outstanding and all around a true pleasure to be around. I’m so blessed God gave me the chance to be his mother,his confidant, and his biggest fan. We weren’t sure he was gonna make it when he was born he spent a month in NICU he had a dime size hole in his heart and lost 30% of his blood. His doctor told me he would be my daredevil and boy was he right this child has no fear of anything. I’m so Proud of him and his accomplishments and the amazing young man hes becoming. It’s been an adventure watching him grow and learn but it’s one I wouldn’t change. Love you my son, Always and forever.

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Karaoke

My love and I sang alot of karaoke at different places one of our favorite places was Bailyington we knew the owners Rusty and Sandy very well. Plus we had our own karaoke set up at home and would host singing parties or continue our night out at home. We were both really good at singing we won alot of contests and money we also got invited to sing at different events we were kind of local celebrities. One of my favorites that we always sang together was rock of ages. He did great on the bee gees Toby just had that kind of voice where he could get really high like someone had shoved his boys up into his stomach.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ when he passed away our friends Rusty and Sandy came out and sang Go rest high on that mountain one of Toby’s favorite songs. It was the prettiest I’d ever heard it sang. I still love karaoke I’m still really good at it I still have people that request me to sing certain songs or at funerals. It took awhile to find the courage to get on stage again but I did it I feel close to him when I’m there. I’m thankful that gives me some peace and all is not just darkness all the time. I’m grateful that I can still see the beauty in this world even thru all of the ugly. And I will miss and love him always and forever till we meet again.

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